How Can You Know Your Purpose If You Haven’t Received Your Life

It’s true — I was disconnected from any sense of purpose until I understood that I hadn’t truly accepted my life.

In fact, I wanted to give it back.

That disconnection showed up in many ways — mostly as flailing through life.

I was a competitive bodybuilder for ten years. My goal was to go pro. But that dream came to an abrupt end when I realized I was chasing an illusion. I was trying to prove something — to the wrong audience.

I transformed my body through years of hard work and discipline that defied society’s idea of how a woman should look. This was the mid 80s through the late 90s. As I progressed — getting stronger, placing higher in competitions, and gaining visibility in magazines — I felt more unfulfilled. Spiritually empty.

I had voluntarily sacrificed everything for bodybuilding: music, other sports, friendships, family, even food.

Eventually, the realization hit: I was chasing a carrot I was never going to eat. There really was no career for female bodybuilders. We were considered freaks. Sponsorships went to fitness models. What I put my body through was insane.

After placing in the top 5 at the British Nationals (I needed to win my class and the overall to get a pro card), I walked away from the dream I’d carried for ten years.

Then what?

I was in my mid-30s. No job. No place to live. No purpose. Just resentment and bitterness.

I asked a friend — someone I knew who meditated — what I could do to get out of the funk.

He said, “Meditate.”

He gave me simple instructions: five minutes in the morning, five minutes at night. Count your breaths.

I was desperate enough to try. I followed his instructions without expecting anything.

After two weeks, I noticed a shift. The heaviness began to lift.

People started coming into my radar — people who introduced me to metaphysics, healing, and astrology. I was hungry. I devoured everything I could get my hands on.

I practiced meditation and manifestation techniques. I was getting results — not always in the way I expected.

I moved out of the ghetto in Venice and into the mountains of Topanga. I lived there for 16 years and transformed.

I studied the healing arts: Polarity Therapy, Cranial Sacral Unwinding and had a mentor who taught me astrology.

Then came the horses — a herd of rescues who adopted me as much as I adopted them.

And then Family Constellations appeared.

The elevated path.

This is when I was finally able to realize my purpose — and own it.

“Mum, thank you for my life.”

“Dad, thank you for my life.”

Stated with no mental override or conditions.

From that point, life began to organize around purpose — not effort.

Started a horse healing business.

Quit alcohol and weed.

Moved out of LA County and relocated to the country.

Bought land.

Created a retreat space where the horses and I could offer deep, unique, transformational healing. The kind of healing that touches entire family systems: past, present, and future generations.

Then began teaching Hellingers’ principles of Family Constellation. I emphasized what had become so clear: understanding the principles is essential to carrying the work forward.

To be an example.

An inspiration.

To help people shift their lives — not with pressure or ideology, but through simple, systemic truths we were never taught in school:

“Everybody belongs.”

“Order of love.”

This is how we uplift families, communities, and cultures.

This is how we reconnect to purpose:

By receiving our life.

Ready to go deeper into this work?

My 8-month online course, Foundations of Family Constellation, begins August 30.

We explore the same principles that helped me reconnect to life and purpose — and how to carry them forward in service to others.

Early bird pricing ends July 12.

🌀 Click here to learn more and register